FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted *very low* on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your
food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print
in the middle of my plate does not mean that is is suddenly your food, nor do
I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you
are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, *there is no secret exit from the bathroom! *If,
by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same
door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the
other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters
who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

Eat less,* *

*Don't ask for money all the time, *

Are easier to train,

Normally come when called,

Never ask to drive the car,

Don't hang out with drug-using people;

Don't smoke or drink,

Don't want to wear your clothes,

Don't have to buy the latest fashions,

Don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.....

_________________


We're not saints, we're not villains. We all make choices and decisions every day that shape our destiny - and in a small way, the world's.

- @HiddenCash

LOL so true. posted on my fb, cause I know alot of people that bitch about the fur